Rekindling
by Jasper.Fangirl
Summary: Peter and Charlotte find Jasper, and they meet his family and make up for lost time.
1. Chapter 1

**Heretofore Nameless Jasper, Peter, and Charlotte Fanfic**

**Chapter I: Meeting**

The sun shone brightly through the canopy of the trees surrounding our home. It was a rare occurrence, and I welcomed it with open arms. Being a Texas boy, I never tired of it. Alice urged us all to take advantage of it by spending our day lounging on the porch. She didn't have to tell me twice. But something seemed off. The entire family had seemed very anxious lately. Excited. I knew not for what, but every time I questioned them, they played off my suspicions like they were nothing. It didn't take a genius to figure out that they were concealing something from me, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was.

I didn't know whether to feel excited or hurt by this. It seemed ridiculous to be excited over something that I wasn't informed about. Moreover, I had always been somewhat of an outsider in this family, and I felt isolated even more by their behavior. I just couldn't comprehend it. It was a few months before my birthday, and Alice's and my anniversary had already passed. So unless Alice had decided to shop far in advance, it had nothing to do with either event. For the record, if it were about either of those things, I wouldn't have been particularly excited about it anyway. While I do appreciate the thought very much, I don't like gifts. I've just never thought I was worthy of them. Besides, my time with Maria taught me that my birthday doesn't matter. That holidays don't matter. That I don't matter.

So, with those unpleasant and confusing thoughts gnawing away at my brain, I sat with my family in the glorious warmth of the sun. A good deal of time had passed, and I felt restless. Often my workaholic brain kicked into gear and wondered if there were something more productive we could be doing. When that happened, Edward distracted me, usually by kicking my chair and urging me to relax. But I couldn't.

The more time that passed, the more excited my family got. I finally tired of it. I exclaimed, "What is it that you're not telling me? Am I not good enough to share in your secrets?" I'm getting sick of…" I stopped dead in my tracks. I caught a whiff of something that seemed utterly familiar. I felt two more sets of emotions. I heard what sounded like two sets footsteps nearing our position, which normally would've disturbed me. But that scent! I definitely recognized it from somewhere. Coffee and caramel, citrus and mint. Both combinations were delicious and comforting. I racked my brain for a moment, and suddenly it clicked. My eyes widened in shock, and I could hardly contain myself. I stood up just in time to see two figures coming through the trees in my direction.

The male was tall, almost as tall as me. He had a slender build. He had white blond hair that hung down to his narrow shoulders, and he was clad in ragged hiking gear. His facial features were slightly androgynous, but wise. He, as always, had a gentle smile on his face. The female, on the other hand, was not much taller than Alice. She, too, had white blonde hair, but hers cascaded in waves down her back. She had high cheekbones, thick eyelashes, and bright eyes. She was sporting a very flattering dark blue dress that looked slightly dirty.

Both of them ran toward me, and I found that my legs were carrying me toward them. In turn, I gave both of them a long, tight embrace. "Jasper," the male's gentle voice said. "It's been a long time."

"Peter, Charlotte... I… how… what…" I found myself unable to speak coherently, and it took me a moment to gather my thoughts enough to try again. "How did you find me?" I said, in shock.

Both of them chuckled lightly. "We were in the neighborhood, and we thought we caught your scent, so we followed it here," Charlotte explained.

"I…" I started, overwhelmed with emotion. "I'm so happy you're here."

Peter put his arm on my shoulder and said, "We're happy to be here."

"We were a little worried, though. We counted six other scents besides yours, and we didn't know whether or not these people would attack us if we got too close," Charlotte chimed in.

Peter moved instinctively closer to Charlotte and looked around warily. His eyes locked on my family. "Peter," I reassured him, "They're not going to hurt you. They're my family."

"Family?" he asked, cocking his head. Charlotte smiled widely.

"Yes," I said, beaming with pride. "Would you like me to introduce you to them?"

"Please!" Charlotte squealed. Peter smiled down at her, and I gestured them over to our porch.


	2. Introductions

**Chapter II: Introductions**

***Yes, this chapter is EXTREMELY short. I am fully aware of that. The next ones will be lengthier, I promise.***

I ushered my guests toward my family, who were smiling brightly at us. "Everyone, I'd like to formally introduce you to my friends Peter and Charlotte," I announced.

One by one, I introduced them to my family members. They exchanged handshakes and kisses on the cheek (except for Emmett, who, upon his introduction, enveloped both of my friends in a humongous bear hug). And then there was only one person left to introduce. "I'd like you to meet my wife, Alice," I beamed, and looked down at her lovingly. She returned my loving gaze, and then grinned widely at my friends.

The emotions that I felt from Peter and Charlotte were elation, surprise, and a little bit of smugness. "Your wife…" Peter breathed. "Jasper, that's wonderful!"

"I told you!" Charlotte exclaimed.

"Told him what?" Alice asked, curious.

I knew that Charlotte was referring to our heated conversation about how I believed that I was incapable of being loved. "Not important," I told Alice. "Well, actually, it is, but it's a long story."

Peter kissed Alice on the cheek, and Charlotte looked her over. "You're beautiful," she said, which triggered Rosalie to spew forth waves of jealousy and outrage.

Alice giggled, and I know that if she were capable, she'd be blushing. "Thank you! You are too," she said shyly.

"Thank you. Please don't be offended, but I never thought I'd ever see a grown woman shorter than me," Charlotte said. The two laughed in unison, and then hugged each other tightly. Their bubbly personalities meshed perfectly together. In a way, when I first met Alice, she reminded me a little of Charlotte. The biggest difference is that Alice is, and always has been, exponentially better in every way.

We all stood a moment in silence, contemplating what to do next. I felt apprehension and happiness exuding from both groups. The former of those emotions was felt more strongly by my family, and it made me wonder if they were afraid that I was going to resume my travels with my old companions. There was a time in my life when I would've considered it, but it didn't take long to realize that I was right where I belonged.

Edward's eyes were locked on my face, and it was clear that he was scrutinizing my thoughts and my reaction. He finally said, "You three have a lot of catching up to do."

"Most definitely," Peter replied.

"Do you mind if we…" I asked, looking at my family and nodding toward the woods, where my friends and I could find a private place to talk.

Everyone assented, and I gestured to my friends. "Follow me," I said. I turned my back on them and led them into the trees.


	3. Change

**Chapter 3: Changes**

Peter, Charlotte, and I ran through the woods to find a private place to talk. They struggled to keep up, since I was the fastest and I knew the lay of the land. I had forgotten those small details because it had been a long time since I had traveled with my old friends. Often I had to slow my pace or come to a complete stop in order to allow them to catch up. After a few minutes of running, Charlotte said, "How much farther?"

"Not much," I answered. "I just want to find a place where we won't be overheard." I knew very well that my family would eavesdrop, given the chance.

Within a few seconds, we reached a sparsely shaded area of the forest. I motioned to my guests to sit down, and they did. I seated myself across from them. I realized they were staring at me, and it felt like four eyes were boring into my soul. I squirmed uncomfortably under their gaze.

Peter noticed my expression. "I'm sorry, my friend," he said apologetically. "It's just that we're extremely surprised to see you like this."

"Like what?" I replied.

"Not shunning contact from people. In love. Married," he replied.

"Able to smile," Charlotte added. "Alive."

"Why is that so surprising?" asked, my eyes meeting theirs.

Upon that statement, their only emotion was shock. Even if I didn't have the gift I have, the potency of that emotion would have been evident from their nearly saucer-sized eyes.

I chuckled once. "I guess it is a surprise, isn't it?"

"Jasper, the last time we saw you, you were so broken that we had to keep you on constant suicide watch. You were so upset that you wouldn't reach out to anyone. You hated being touched, and you would hardly even speak. You seemed to want nothing more than to just be alone and miserable, but we knew that was just the opposite of what you truly desired. We knew that you wanted so badly for someone to love you and to be able to give you the help you needed. Now you're living with six people, one of which is your wife, and you are close enough to the others to call them your family. You don't look empty anymore, you remembered how to smile, and you're alive. I simply can't believe how far you've come in such a short time."

"But I didn't… she…" I babbled. I was incapable of voicing the thoughts that I was thinking. Edward had always said that my thoughts moved so quickly that my tongue couldn't keep up. The more I lived with myself, the more I was convinced that he was right. What I was thinking was more along the lines of, _I didn't do anything. It was Alice. She's the reason I am where I am today._

Thankfully, Peter more or less guessed what I was about to say. He said, "I'm so glad that you found Alice, and I'm glad that she's done the things she's done for you. However, it was ultimately you who made the decision to open up your heart and accept her help and her love. It was you that conquered the obstacles in front of you. Never forget that."

"Jasper, he's right. You're far too modest for your own good, you know that?" Charlotte said.

Peter shook his head. "It has little to do with modesty. I understand why it's hard for you, Jasper. After living with Maria for so long, it's hard for people to believe that they are capable of doing anything. Anything positive, at least. But you need to know that she was wrong. You've made yourself a happier person, and that's a wonderful thing. I'm proud of you."

I felt moved that Peter understood my feelings. Not to mention the fact that he knew the kind of person that I used to be and he still thought that I had the potential to do good. "Thank you… so much," I whispered.

"You're very welcome, Jasper. You know I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. Besides, you'd feel it if I were lying."

I smiled and nodded, and my friends smiled back in response. We sat silently for a moment, enjoying each other's company. It felt so good to hear Peter and Charlotte's voices again. I sat there thinking that part of me missed traveling with them. However, I knew that it wasn't an option. I just had to enjoy this visit while I could.

Right on cue, Peter finally said, "So, where were we?"


	4. Love

**Chapter IV: Love**

"Tell us about your family!" Charlotte urged.

I smiled, and I stopped a moment to find the most appropriate words. "Well," I said slowly, "they're wonderful beyond words. They're always here for me, and they support me no matter what. They love me unconditionally, and I feel the same way about them, even though it's difficult for me to say sometimes. I am eternally grateful for the things that they have done for me, and I know that I will never be able to repay that debt. However, they do not keep score. What they're concerned about more than anything is my well-being, and they'd be willing to do anything in the world to make me happy. I realize that I'm insufferable to live with sometimes, but they are always very patient with me. They've showed me a better way to live, and even though it's hard sometimes, it's a lot easier on my mental state. I simply cannot praise them enough."

"Awwww!" Charlotte squealed.

Peter smiled, and it was clear that he was relieved that I had found people who would help ease my pain. "What about the individual members themselves?"

"Well, we all have very different personalities, but we are brought together by one common desire."

"What desire is that?" Peter asked curiously.

"We've chosen to retain what humanity we have left. Instead of feeding on human blood, we feed only on the blood of animals."

Peter's mouth fell open. "How does that work?" Charlotte asked.

"It does make us strong, but we're never completely satisfied. It's very hard for us to resist the scent of humans, but we do our best to resist the temptation. For me, it is exceedingly difficult, but I try my hardest to keep in line. After almost a century of feeding whenever I desired to, self-control has been difficult. However, it's worth it in the end, I think."

"Wow," Peter breathed. "I can't even imagine how difficult that must be."

"It is very trying at times. The thirst that my family feels—I feel it as well. And when we're out in public, it's not advantageous for me to feel my own thirst plus theirs. Sometimes I feel like slaughtering everyone around me," I paused, ashamed of myself, "but I know that I have to resist, no matter what the cost."

"Jasper, that's…" Peter said, his voice barely above a whisper, "that's amazing."

"It would be if I was better at it. I slip up more than anyone in the family. At one point, Rosalie wanted to kick me out because every time one of us kills a human, we move to a different town, and she got sick of moving because of me. I've failed so many times that you'd think they would've given up on me, but Carlisle says that just as long as we make the effort, that's all that matters."

"Still, Jasper," Peter said, "the fact that you're willing to try, and that you've stuck with this new diet for this long, are so admirable. I think you're doing a great thing."

"Jasper, can you feel their emotions? The animals' emotions, I mean," Charlotte asked.

"No," I informed her. "It's incentive for me to carry on. I can't feel their emotions, so it's much easier for me to feed, and I don't have a meltdown afterward."

"I'm so glad you've discovered this type of life. I couldn't bear the thought of you starving yourself until you're wild with thirst, attacking randomly, and falling apart afterward for the rest of eternity."

"I couldn't bear it, either," I said, flinching, as memories of myself curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth after killing defenseless humans flooded my mind.

Peter noted my reaction and rapidly changed the subject. "You were telling us about your family members…"

"Right," I said. "Well, Carlisle is the leader of the family, and he's taken on the role of the father. He was born in the 1640s, he's highly educated, and he works as a physician."

"How is that possible?" Peter said, shocked.

"He says it's just because he's had lots and lots of practice. His gift is compassion, and it has prevented him from ever tasting human blood."

"That would be an amazing gift to have."

"I think so, too. His calling is to save people, not to hurt them, and he started the family with that in mind. He has the patience of a saint, his gentleness and kindness know no bounds, and he has been like a father to me since Alice and I joined his family in 1950. I guess you could say that I idolize him, in a way."

"That's the impression that I got from him upon meeting him. He seemed like a very benevolent person," Peter said. Peter was a stellar judge of character.

"Yes, very much so."

"What about the others?" Charlotte said.

I launched into a detailed description of the other members of my family, including their gifts, how they were changed, and their personalities. They laughed heartily when I described Emmett, felt angry about the way Rosalie used to treat me, felt warm when I talked about Esme, and they seemed a little bit leery when I told them about Edward's gift but they felt sorry for him because of his loneliness.

"What about your beautiful little wife?" Charlotte said. "Are you trying to torture us by making us wait to hear the details, or are you just saving the best for last?"

I chuckled. "Both," I said. "Where do I even start?"

I felt excitement emanating from both of them. I could sense that I had their undivided attention. "How did you meet? When did you get married? What is she like?" Charlotte asked excitedly.

"Well, one day in 1948, I found myself in Philadelphia during a rainstorm…" I started. I launched into my tale about how I had met Alice, and how I fell in love with her at first sight. By the time I finished that story, the excitement that my friends were feeling had morphed into adoration, awe, and happiness.

"Jasper, that is one of the sweetest things I have ever heard in my life," Charlotte cooed.

"I think it's beautiful, personally," Peter mused. "A woman doesn't remember her life, but decides to dedicate the rest of it to finding a man that is about to give up on his. One partner remembers too much, and the other remembers too little. Neither one is whole until they come together and make each other complete."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," I stated.

"So how did you end up finding your family?"

"Shortly after meeting Alice, she told me about the Cullens. She saw that we would be a part of their family and live peacefully for the rest of eternity. She foresaw where they would move next, and we spent the next two years finding them. We were accepted, and she fit in immediately. It was harder for me, but I decided I would do anything for her. We married in 1951, and we've been together ever since."

"I knew finding a mate would make all the difference in the world for you," Charlotte told me.

"You were right. I never thought anyone would love me, but then I found someone who adores me with every fiber of her being, and someone who I can love in the same way. She's the one who taught me to love and trust again. She's the reason for me to change who I used to be. She's my everything," I beamed.

"It's amazing how much love can change a person," Peter said. "I'm so glad you got to feel that firsthand. I'm so glad that you have someone that you can confide in."

"Definitely. She's someone I can confide in, cry with, laugh with, cuddle with, trust in, have sex with…"

Peter and Charlotte laughed. "That last one's definitely a bonus," Peter agreed. Charlotte elbowed him. "Ow, what was that for?"

She shook her head and sighed. "Boys."

Peter and I grinned at each other. "Have you two ever thought about getting married?" I asked.

"We've thought about it," Charlotte said, "but we decided that it won't change how we feel about each other. Besides, it wouldn't exactly be a white wedding, you know?"

I laughed. "Neither was mine. And I understand completely what you mean about marriage not changing your feelings. However, the memory of my wedding is the most beautiful memory I have. Everything about it was just so perfect, so dreamlike. It's also nice to be able to look at her and know that she's mine forever. That she's my wife."

"Hmmm, we might still consider it," Peter said, intrigued.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I suddenly said.

"For what?" Charlotte asked, perplexed.

"Where are my manners? This whole time, the discussion has been centered around me, and I haven't asked you any questions of my own. Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. In all honesty, we've so been absorbed in hearing about your life that we haven't even given it a second thought," Peter told me.

"Well, how have you been?" I prodded.

Peter, Charlotte and I spent some time discussing their lives. They were very happy, and I couldn't help but think that part of it had to do with the fact that I had left them. It left them with no one to babysit, after all. When I asked, though, they vehemently denied it. On the whole, they were doing very well.

"Jasper?" Peter said, making a segue into the next topic.

"Yes?"

"I know you can't have recovered all at once. I sense that you're still really struggling."

I paused for a moment, unsure on how personal I wanted to make this conversation. I decided that I had nothing to lose, and I prepared to launch into a potentially unpleasant explanation of the long, hard road I had been on.


	5. Ambivalence

**Chapter V: Ambivalence**

***I'm so sorry it took so long to update this. Between classes, classwork, working, work training, housework, and everything else I have to cope with on a regular basis, I just haven't had the time. Anyway, here is the next chapter of **_**Rekindling**_**.***

"Well… I… it's been…" I started, not knowing how to verbalize things. I was feeling conflicted between the part of me who wanted to spill forth every detail of my life that they didn't get to witness and the part of me that absolutely hated burdening people. In my eyes, dumping all of my troubles on to them would do just that.

"Jasper," Peter said soothingly. "You know you can trust us."

"I know. It's just…"

"You think you'll be burdening us," he said.

Peter had always had a knack for analyzing people, but I was still surprised by the acuity of his perception. Or perhaps he just knew me too well.

He began again. "Jasper, I know you have a lot of trouble opening up to people. I know that your past won't let you trust. You know, I understand the feeling. I know that, at the hands of Maria, you only got to experience the savage, barbaric, manipulative, cruel side of humanity. Keep in mind that while I didn't feel it as strongly as you did and that I didn't have to endure it for as long, I endured it, too. I understand. And I don't judge. I think that Charlotte and I, having been raised in the same environment as you, are well equipped to deal with whatever you can dish out." He paused a moment to gauge my reaction. "Please," he pleaded, "let us know what you're experiencing. And let us know how we can help."

I was unable to speak. My conflict grew stronger. Should I tell them how much I've been suffering since I left? I knew it would trouble them greatly. Peter was such a sensitive soul who felt everything so deeply. He would be crushed by the information I had to offer. I wasn't as close to Charlotte, but for some unimaginable reason, she cared about me. And seeing her effervescent personality become more and more somber with every word I said was something I didn't want to see. It was much like deflating a helium balloon.

My thoughts began racing, and I started to panic. The conflict in me grew stronger and stronger as emotions welled up inside of me. The desire to be heard, the desire to not ruin their visit by having a meltdown, the desire to keep quiet, the desire to be comforted… they were all present. They flooded my circuits, and suddenly I was on the verge of a breakdown. I began hyperventilating, slowly at first, and then my breaths reached a violent crescendo. I broke into tremors so fierce that I could not steady myself. At first, I tried to calm myself down. However, my fit became stronger. I had a propensity for having seizures when I was a child. My mind had always operated at about fifteen million miles per second. Whenever I became overwhelmed with thoughts running through my brain, I would lapse into a seizure because my brain simply could not handle all of the incoming signals. I began to wonder if we immortals were capable of having them, too. However, even in my highly troubled mental state, I was able to discern the difference between what had happened then and what was happening at the moment. I began to sob violently. I felt as if my trachea was about to rip open. I wrapped my arms around myself as if to hold myself together.

I was only vaguely aware of Peter and Charlotte trying desperately to calm me down. They were each on one side of me, calling my name soothingly, stroking me, and telling me everything was going to be okay. They just didn't understand. When you are so accustomed to keeping everything bottled inside, talking about things is a challenge of epic proportions. On one hand, I felt severely embarrassed my breakdown. However, I hoped that they would at least try to see things from my perspective.

After a while, I was able to get myself back under control. I looked into Peter's face first, then into Charlotte's, and saw that they were eyeing me warily. I assured them that I was all right, but they were far from convinced.

"Jasper…" Peter said quietly, "I'm so sorry. If I would've known it was going to be this difficult…"

I sighed deeply.

"I hope you didn't feel like we were pressuring you at all," Charlotte said.

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers. "No, I… it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong at all, and I would hate for you to assess my behavior as a sign of your own mistake. There is nothing to forgive."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I stated, trying to make my voice sound as firm as possible.

Peter scrutinized my face, which I made sure showed no emotion. After a long hesitation, he said, "Okay."

"Let's try this again, shall we?" I offered, hoping that I had gotten all of the fright and madness out of my system.

Peter and Charlotte appeared shocked. "Are you sure…?" he breathed.

"Yes."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes?"

"Are you really sure?" he stated, eyeing me with concern.

"How many times do I have to say yes?" I stated, mildly frustrated.

"O-okay, then," he said. "Hit us with your best shot."


	6. Guilt

**Chapter VI: Guilt**

***Hooray for new chapters! It is a little bit short, but my heart was telling me to end at the part that I did so that the last part would have more impact. I know that the ending of this chapter (or rather, what is said in the last paragraph) is something that many people will disagree with. However, it is something that I believe firmly in, and I just felt that it needed to be said.***

"Well… I'm not sure where to start," I said slowly. "I suppose you could say it's been a bit of a rocky road."

"How so?" Peter asked.

"Well, there have been some highs," I said, watching smiles come onto the faces of my companions, "and some lows." I watched their smiles disappear.

"You've told us about the highs…" Peter reminded me.

"Yes," I agreed. I paused a moment, trying to choose my words accurately. "My recovery has progressed so slowly that, despite my current environment, it is still very hard for me to be happy…" I trailed off, cursing myself. Peter and Charlotte had thought that I had made much headway in becoming more emotionally stable. However, they knew not what occurred in my mind. I knew the truth. I knew how dark my thoughts and emotions were. There were many things that even Edward or Alice did not know about me, and I think this may have skewed their perception.

"Jasper…?" Peter prodded, concerned.

I snapped out of my reverie. "Oh, sorry," I said, blinking.

"How bad is it for you?" Peter said, gently.

"At first, I…" I paused again. I knew they wouldn't divulge anything they told me, and I vowed to myself that I wouldn't think about what I was about to say, so even Edward would never know. I began to pour my pain out. None of my sentences were coherent; I just said things as they came to me. "At first… they didn't know me… they kept asking me questions… they wanted to know my story… I don't blame, them, though. It's only natural to want to get acquainted… but… I didn't want to talk… I didn't want attention… I didn't want to be touched… I didn't want to be known… I just wanted to hide. To never be seen by another human being… I wasn't good enough for anyone to know… especially Alice. I was an abomination, and I wanted to be treated as such." I paused a moment, embarrassed by my present lack of dignity and proper sentence structure, but there was so much more that needed to be said.

I continued. "I couldn't go out in public… I couldn't do anything. I tried to do everything I could to distract myself from the pain, but… nothing helped. No matter how hard I tried. Nothing helped. I just… I just wanted to… to die…" I trailed off, becoming overwhelmed with angry, broken tears.

"Jasper," Peter breathed, coming over to sit beside me and wrap his arm around my shoulders. "You don't mean that…"

"Yes, I do!" I cried, shifting away from him. "My family caught me before I was able to do anything drastic…"

Charlotte looked up at me with a mixture of shock and worry on her face. Peter began to cry. "Jasper…" he whispered.

Guilt hit me with twice the force of a tackle from Emmett. I scrambled back over to Peter's side. It was my turn to comfort him. My brother was in pain, and it was my fault. He cared so deeply about me, and I repaid him by being the cloud of negativity that my experiences had made me. I hated myself. Why couldn't I do anything right?

"Jasper," he began again, his voice husky from sobbing, "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" He looked up at me with sad eyes.

I returned his gaze, and squeezed him tightly. "No," I reassured him.

"Good," he sighed. "My heart can't take the thought of you hurting yourself. In any way."

I averted my eyes remorsefully. "Jasper," he continued. "Don't feel guilty. You can't help what has been done to you, and you can't help the feelings you feel. I asked for you to share your pain with me. You're doing a good thing."

"I…" I didn't even know how to voice the argument that was forming in my mind. "I wanted to hurt only myself… but the memory of it hurts us all."

"I think anyone who cares about you would feel that way," Charlotte interjected. "But…" she paused for a moment. I could tell that she was feeling a little nervous about what she was about to say. I sent her waves of reassurance and comfort. She smiled gratefully at me and continued, "I don't believe that suicide is a choice. I think that when a person is in such a state, when they're mentally ill, that their brain is sending them overwhelming signals to die. I say that because I know what kind of person you are, Jasper, and you're not the type to abandon your family. You're not the type to hurt anyone intentionally. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You did not choose to have to deal with the things you do. Please don't let something that you could not control define who you are or what you think of yourself."


	7. Glue

**Chapter VII: Glue**

***I'm making a serious effort to make all of the new chapters longer than they have been in the past. I'd also like to thank CrystalPrison for inspiring some of the things in this chapter, and for giving me so much support. My thanks also goes to hansbmd for being such a fan of my stories.***

I gasped softly. I had never viewed my suicide attempt from that perspective. What she was saying made some sense. I never _meant _to abandon my family. I never would have wanted Alice to feel the pain of losing her lover, and I never would have wanted the rest of my family members to lose a brother or a son. I had always been selfless to a fault, and the fact that I had almost committed such a selfish act baffled me.

I also was not raised to cower in the face of adversity. My mama and papa had raised me to be a strong young man. I had learned to triumph over adversity rather than to crumble in its wake. Through all the years, I had done just that. I knew not what made me react the way I had on that day. It was usually my style to bear things quietly without questions or complaints. When suicidal ideation arose, it went against everything that I had ever believed, done, or thought about before. Come to think of it, I did not remember actually thinking about the action, weighing the pros and cons, and making the best choice based on the information gathered. That is the definition of a decision, or rather, that is how I have made most of my decisions in my life. I just somehow _knew_ that dying was what I needed to do.

Charlotte was saying that the illness and the experiences took control. That they flooded my mind, and my judgment was occluded by them. By that logic, what I had done was not a rational decision, or a decision at all. It made me marvel at the complexities of the mind.

Perhaps my biggest problem with her logic was one phrase. "Mentally ill". Was that what I was? I knew I was experiencing a lot of emotional trauma, and that I had flashbacks and sadness that were so severe that they rendered it impossible to live normally. I suppose it was ridiculous that I had never thought about it that way before. But when I was young, the term was not in use. Even as the words left Charlotte's lips, I was surprised by her use of them.

It was a heavy thing to think of myself as fitting that label. I suppose it could be said that I was in denial. However, it was important to come to terms with the reality of the situation.

I gazed into Charlotte's eyes. They were gentle and sincere. I smiled softly at her, and she offered an emotional climate of caring and sisterly love. I acknowledged her feelings by sending her my appreciation and love.

I turned my attention back to Peter. He had stopped crying, but he was still leaning up against me, as if he was so afraid of me going away forever that he needed to have as much contact with me as possible. He was still upset. I held him closer to me.

The two of us had fought battle after battle together. We had both been hardened by the evils of life. It was hard to believe that either of us could have been bothered by anything after that. However, the fact that something I had done (or almost done, rather) had reduced him to tears was a true testament to how he truly felt about me. He considered me a brother as well. I could tell by the love he was exuding that he adored me.

And I adored him. I felt much closer to Peter than I did to Edward. I even felt closer to Peter than I did to Emmett, and that's no small feat. Peter had been there for me during some of the hardest parts of my life. Not only was he there, but he experienced them with me. He felt my pain, and I quite literally felt his. He was there to see the aftermath of our experiences, and comforted me through my insanity. When I was in a dark alley on feeding night surrounded by a pile of bloodless corpses, sitting in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, he was there. When I had was having flashbacks so vivid that I felt that they were seared into my mind, he was there. When I spotted a female civilian with long, black hair, and for a split second, my mind told me it was Maria, he was there. When I was in so much pain that I could not even speak, he was there. When I caught a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface and broke down at the sight of my scars, he was there. Through everything, he was there.

Charlotte was there, too, of course. I had not been easy to live with, and they were exponentially more patient than I deserved. They were nothing short of angels. They were the ones who had stolen me away from the chains of my previous life and delivered me to a place with endless possibilities and relative freedom. They kept me around, despite my problems.

I had always thought that my leaving them would've been a huge burden that was lifted off their shoulders. They would no longer have to keep me from falling apart. They could live their lives as a young couple in privacy. They did not have to schedule what they wanted to do around my mental state. However, I could now see why there was some truth to their denial when I questioned them about it.

One reason, as previously mentioned, was the fact that they considered me family. Another reason, which had gone unnoticed until that moment, was that I was a tool with which they helped shape their existence. In a way, Peter depended on me for his own emotional stability. Helping me was a welcome distraction when he did not want his mind to focus on his pain. Also, his positive contribution helped him validate the fact that he truly was a good person underneath it all, thus raising his self-image. Charlotte needed me for Peter's sake, and she also enjoyed having a big brother around. Moreover, people frequently underestimated her abilities, and she found that comforting me gave her all the confidence she needed.

I would have given anything in the world for them not to have had to deal with my pain. I would have also given anything to be the one who was comforting them. Every time I used to send them comforting emotions, it would either exhaust me or sadden them. Sometimes it was both. It used to make me loathe myself. However, I realize now that I served my purpose, and that I was delivered into their hands for a reason. There was a reason that Peter and Charlotte risked life and limb to rescue me, and there was a reason that they wanted to be my therapy, so to speak. We were, undoubtedly, the glue that held each other together during such a turbulent time.

With all these realizations swirling through my head, I realized that I missed Peter and Charlotte immensely. I would have loved nothing more than for them to join my new family. However, I knew that they would decline. I had ascertained from what they had said about their life together that they enjoyed every moment of it. They were not ready for a life of meticulous responsibility and self-discipline, and in a way, I wasn't sure I blamed them. I wasn't particularly ready when I started, either. And I could remember spending long days with Alice, hoping that we would never find the Cullens so I could spend eternity with my little pixie all to myself. I knew what Peter and Charlotte were feeling, because I had felt it myself. The least I could do was show them that my family would be willing to accept them if they ever wanted to join us.

We sat a little while longer enjoying each others' presence, and then we all seemed to know what was next. Peter and Charlotte had to get to know these people I called my family. We all stood up and headed back to the house without saying a word.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter VIII: Moderator**

***Thanks again, CP, for your input. Thanks also to everyone who has read and/or reviewed this story. I truly appreciate all of your support. Also, I know this chapter is painfully short (and not particularly good), but I don't want you to think I abandoned you in the middle of the story. Therefore, I think it's best to prove that I'm still working on it.***

I held the door open for Peter and Charlotte, and they walked into the Cullen house. Wonder and awe flooded their senses as their eyes absorbed the décor and the size of their surroundings.

"Wow," Charlotte breathed, "it's beautiful in here."

"Thank you, dear," Esme replied warmly. She, obviously, was responsible for the interior decorating.

"Almost as beautiful as you," Peter told Charlotte, looking down at her lovingly.

"Awww," several people in the room said. Charlotte smiled at Peter, and then she looked back at my family, who was anxiously awaiting the impending conversation.

"Please join us," Carlisle said, gesturing the three of us to the couch in front of him.

We complied. I couldn't get over the odd feeling that my friends were being interviewed. I should have prepared them for this, because I knew that the questions were going to be relentless.

It didn't begin that way, however. Everyone sat in awkward silence, not knowing what to say or how to start. The emotional climate was filled with anxiousness, protectiveness, self-consciousness, and a small hint of competitiveness. For some unknown reason, it was like they each wanted to protect me from each other. It was clear to me that I would have to use my gift to make the situation go as smoothly as possible. I sent everyone waves of confidence and assurance.

Emmett, being the most at ease around unfamiliar people, started the conversation. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I want to know a little bit more about my brother's other family." Despite his easiness of speech, I felt slight waves of possessiveness overtake him. _Calm_, I thought to myself, sending him waves of that particular emotion.

Peter chuckled once. "What is it you would like to know?" His emotions were not nearly as fiery as Emmett's, but he still felt a little bit defensive. _At ease, _I thought, making him feel that way.

"Whatever you'd be willing to tell about yourselves," Carlisle prompted respectfully. I wouldn't have to worry about calming him. Not yet, anyway.

Peter and Charlotte looked at each other, willing each other to speak first. "Well," Charlotte said, "I was actually born and raised in New Mexico, but I was snatched away from my home by one of the members of Maria's posse. I was changed, but I wasn't of much use in battle due to my size. That's why I was selected for destruction. Well, I actually didn't know that was why I was told to gather with the other weaklings and wait my turn to go outside, but I suspected it. I saw Peter and Jasper in front of me, and I was puzzled. I knew and loved Peter. I didn't know that he would dare hurt me. And he didn't. He saved me from my untimely demise, and I was grateful. We traveled together for a while, and I was introduced to a more peaceful life. Later, Peter spoke of going back to rescue Jasper. I was scared to reenter the territory of the enemy, but I agreed nonetheless. We went back for him, and we lived together for a time. Jasper went his own way after a while, and Peter and I have been traveling together as lovers ever since. Our travels have led us back to Jasper, and now we are getting the chance to see the amount of progress he has made, and to meet his beautiful wife and the rest of his family. I'd say I've had a pretty good life." She smiled peacefully.

I smiled, because it did my heart good to know that she was doing well. I suppose I already knew that she was, since I had just heard a much more comprehensive version of her last few years.

The rest of the family seemed to catch her infectious energy. Tranquility and content pervaded the air for a few minutes, and I soaked it up happily. After a while, however, the positive emotions dissipated, though not completely. I could already tell that this encounter was becoming easier. Still, I would have to assume the position as moderator. That is one of the responsibilities that come with my ability. _Ease_, I thought.

"What about you, Peter?" Carlisle asked hesitantly. "What is your story?" _Self-confidence._

"Well, much like Jasper, I was born into a farming family in Texas. However, I never truly felt that I was destined for that kind of work. More than anything, I think it was because I wasn't very fond of physical labor. I preferred to spend my days daydreaming. Later, though, I found that I loved to help others, and I worked to help people who were not so fortunate as myself. One day, I had just finished helping an aging couple sow seeds in their garden, and I was on my way home."

At this point, he began to feel fear and apprehension. _Comfort. _He smiled gratefully at me and continued his story.

"The sun was going down. I saw three figures approach me, and they asked who I was. They talked amongst themselves, and they said that I did not look particularly strong, but I seemed like I had potential. Maria changed me, and I was introduced to my new life. I met Jasper very soon afterward, and we befriended each other quite quickly. I also met Charlotte, and we formed a relationship. Jasper and I fought many battles together. After a while, I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like it was beginning to take a toll on my sanity. So… I ran away…" he tapered off, his voice heavy with guilt.

The presence of both guilt and shame were very strong. His face was contorted, as if he were fighting off tears. I knew that, due to Peter's selflessness, he was not simply ashamed that he was no longer strong enough to take the abuse. He was distressed because he left me without warning. He wished that he would have spared me the extra five years of trauma.

His thinking was both irrational and saddening. I understood why he left, and I forgave him completely. There was no reason for him to feel negatively about his actions. _Understanding. Forgiveness._

He looked up at me, and it was clear that he didn't feel that he deserved my comfort. His eyes were wide, his brain and my emotional relief offering him conflicting ideas. _Love. Pride. _

The rest of the family was watching our silent exchange with curiosity. _Calm._

"Please, continue," I said softly, giving him the gentlest smile I could muster.

He hesitated briefly, and he said, "Actually… it would be more accurate to say that I kidnapped Charlotte, and we ran away. We lived together for a time, and I felt that I could not outrun the guilt I felt over leaving Jasper in that place. As Charlotte said, we make the trek southward and retrieved Jasper. After that, well, Charlotte summed it up rather well."

He began to feel fear that my family members would not be as forgiving as I was for leaving me behind. His fears were somewhat real. Some of them were judging him unfairly; I could feel it. _Acceptance. Caring. _I hoped that by aiming those emotions at them, they would be more willing to express them to Peter.

Charlotte, reacting to the tension, diverted the subject. "Since we told you a little bit about ourselves, would you be so kind as to tell us a little bit about yourselves?"

_Calm. Safe. CALM._

Under my emotional command, Carlisle was the first to acquiesce. He began to tell his story, and I sat back, ready to analyze the reactions of my visitors.


	9. Scourge

**Chapter IX: Scourge**

***I know it's been a while. I'm sorry. Also, I am aware that a lot of this chapter will be review to you.***

Carlisle thought briefly, wondering where to begin. "I was born in Britain in the mid-1600s. My father was an Anglican minister. He so frequently reminded me that those who were not part of the army of God were a scourge upon the earth. In accordance with this theory, he began hunting down 'unholy creatures' in the name of the Lord. He trained me to do the same, and I reluctantly resumed his job when he died. I, unlike my father, was successful. I was able to find a true coven of our kind in the sewers, and they attacked. My attempt at flight was unsuccessful, and I was then transformed.

"It was a difficult thing to come to terms with. I resented my father intensely, and I was disgusted with his actions during his life. However, it was hard to bear the guilt I felt about becoming what he had hated the most. I still felt that it was my duty to bear the yoke he had placed upon me, to bear the responsibilities of guiding the truly faithful and casting out the infidels. Instead, I was denied the warmth of God's light, and was condemned to lurk in the shadows forevermore. At least, those were my thoughts at the time."

Peter and Charlotte listened, engrossed in Carlisle's tale. His soft, gentle voice wove the words in such a way as to ensnare the listener in its web. Even the rest of my family, who had heard the story before, could not help but cling on his every word.

He paused briefly, his soft eyes cast downward with the weight of reflection. He continued, "I recognized myself as a monster, as an unholy creature, and that is why I cast myself out. I isolated myself for the well-being of others. I tried to destroy myself in any way possible, but my efforts were unproductive." I felt a twinge of guilt and shame from Carlisle upon the delivery of his last sentence. _Caring. Reassurance. _He felt grateful.

"The revelation that changed everything came at my lowest point. I was out of options. I could not destroy myself physically, but I was cracking mentally. I needed to hunt, and badly. I was ready to do the unthinkable, to destroy a human life, when a herd of deer passed. I attacked mindlessly. My thirst was quenched. It was then that I realized that my existence did not have to be spent in isolation. I did not have to become the type of being my father would have sought to annihilate. I decided I would dedicate my life to knowledge and to bettering the quality of the lives of others. Later, I shifted my goal to include finding companionship, and I have had no shortage of that. My priorities have shifted. I now strive to be the best father and husband I can be, and to help as many people as I can as a physician. Devoting my life to helping people brings me joy, and it also gives me a sense of purpose. I can live my life without being a menace to society, and that is much more than my father would have anticipated."

We all sensed that Carlisle's tale had come to a close. While his personal experiences were unique, he told of feelings that were universal to almost everyone of our kind.

"It's hard, sometimes," Peter mused, "to believe that our kind can be good when there are so many accounts to the contrary. You, though, are an extremely benevolent being. You seem like the type of person that anyone should aspire to be."

Carlisle shyly looked away. "You praise me far too highly. My actions are my own attempt at redemption."

"For what?" Charlotte asked, unbelieving.

"It is just as Peter said. I am aware of the negative ideology associated with vampires. I also understand that some of it is well-deserved. I wish to be in the minority. My desire is to retain my humanity and compassion, despite my condition. I suppose it could be said that I am trying to redeem myself for every human life I have ever considered taking."

I wished the only thing I had to redeem myself for was that. Charlotte seemed to be thinking the same thing. "Isn't that a little extreme? It's completely natural for vampires to thirst for humans."

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "But for Carlisle the person, not Carlisle the vampire, it is not normal. It is simply not in my nature. I would never wish harm upon anyone, and it bothers me that I think such thoughts."

"That's understandable," Peter said. "I feel the same way sometimes. I mean, I am not a killer by nature."

I knew what Carlisle and Peter had meant. However, I felt that it was insensitive. "I am not a natural born killer, either," I snapped. "Did I consider that before I knew it was possible to survive on the blood of animals? Do I consider that when I slip up? Not until afterward. And I have to spend my life paying for the action of killing rather than the thoughts about it."

Everyone turned their attention to me, surprised by my somewhat inappropriate outburst. Carlisle's face was pained. "I'm sorry Jasper… I can't imagine what that must be like. I didn't mean to hurt you." It was clear to me that he wasn't sure what more to say. He felt intensely guilty for flaunting his perfect track record.

"No, I mumbled guiltily. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."_ Remorse. Love._

"Remember what I told you, Jasper. We all have our own challenges."

"Right," I agreed, ashamed of myself. _And some us have challenges that we are not equipped to handle well_, I thought. "Continue."

Thankfully, Emmett steered the attention off of me. "It doesn't matter what drives you to do it. At least not to us."

"That's right," Peter agreed. "It seems that you are quite a moral compass for the family."

Everyone nodded in agreement, except Rosalie, who apparently thought she was too good for a moral compass. Edward shook his head at her.

"I don't know about that," Carlisle said. "I am here to guide my family, but I think they have a solid sense of what is right. I trust them to make their own decisions, and they usually are meticulously responsible in their actions."

"That's because we love you and respect you," Alice chimed in. "We wouldn't want you to be upset or disappointed."

Carlisle smiled adoringly at his daughter. "How could I ever be upset with any of you?" he asked. "I am surrounded with people who make my life worth living. You have all enriched my existence so much that I have no right to be disappointed in you."

I felt overwhelmed. Everyone had always said that Esme was the driving force behind keeping the family together. I suddenly found myself disagreeing. Carlisle's love and forgiveness was so vast that he was willing to accept us despite the mistakes we make. That level of love was something that kept us running back to him every time we needed help.

I found that I could understand his reasoning. We gave him so much happiness that he didn't want to spoil that with negative energy. It seemed like an ideal way to live.

I looked toward Edward, who was gauging the reactions of Peter and Charlotte. He seemed to be hearing the same thing I was feeling from them. Longing. They wished to have that kind of father figure in their lives. They could, if only they wanted to…

Edward's attention turned from them to me. His eyes met mine for a moment, and I thought, _I missed them so much. _

He nodded discreetly in response. He was clearly worried. _Don't worry, _I added. _I'm not leaving. _He smiled slightly, and I felt his relief. I poked a bit of love at him just to emphasize my point.

Peter and Charlotte were eager to know more. We all braced ourselves, wondering who they would question next. Carlisle looked pointedly at Esme. She looked back at him with a hint of amusement in her eyes. "Well, I guess it's my turn," she offered, smiling.


	10. Children

**Chapter X: Children**

***Yeah, yeah, another short chapter. I am aware of that. But, hooray for updates!***

Esme began her tale. I had heard it before. It pained me to hear of her loss, and to listen to her recount how she felt she had nothing more to live for. I had once asked her what her thoughts were as she took her leap off the cliff. She said that she only wondered if her little one would be waiting for her on the other side.

I could not bear to listen to her words. The thought of my mother lying on the cold ground, her body nearly destroyed from the force of impact, stuck in my mind. It hurt. Carlisle said that it was almost too late when he found her, that she was so far gone that he was not sure if he could transform her. I couldn't fathom my life without her. I didn't want to ponder a life without her warmth and comfort.

It said a lot about her personality that she was willing to give up her life because of the loss of someone she had barely met. Her love was so potent that she broke when she no longer had a certain person to give that love to. I heard the pain in her voice, and I saw the heartbreak in her eyes. I watched as Carlisle silently comforted her, making the loss a little less difficult.

I knew it was selfish, but I couldn't stop thinking about what I had done. When I decided that I wanted to die, I caused her that sort of pain. I remember her desperate plea. "My baby boy… I can't lose you…" She had already felt the pain of losing a son, and I almost forced her to repeat the process, only this time with a son that she had time to get attached to. I was a horrible person.

Rosalie had her eyes locked on me. She was staring pointedly at me, as if to reinforce my belief. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward glare at her. His eyes almost literally spewed venom. She averted her eyes shamefully, and I felt a bit of fear in her heart.

Edward turned his attention to me. His eyes were pleading, and he radiated sadness. I knew what he was thinking. He had to read my mind, and he was forced to hear my constant self-abuse. Holding a grudge against myself hurt him, too. He discreetly mouthed the words, "Charlotte was right."

I thought briefly, and I understood. He, too, knew that I would never cause her that sort of pain deliberately. I felt a bit of the guilt ease. _Gratitude. Love._ He smiled softly, directing his gaze back at Esme, who was bringing her story to a close.

Peter and Charlotte sat silently, absorbing her words. It was clear that they were not sure what the appropriate words would be. It was a touchy subject, and one that was difficult to comment on.

It was amazing, though, how instantly they loved her. Adoring her was an automatic thing, even if her drippy sweetness did get a bit tiring after a while. One of the most important things about Esme was that she was such a loving presence that she inspired others to feel love, too. She taught us to respond to love with love. That is a lesson that has impacted my life so deeply.

When I joined the family, I had almost lost the ability to love anyone except Alice. The more time I spent around the Cullens, the more I grew to love them. Feeling that I belonged, that I was another one of her beloved children, made the healing process happen much more quickly. She treated much like my human mother did, and that was more than I would have ever expected.

In concurrence with my thoughts, Peter stated, "You would be a wonderful mother."

Everyone nodded in agreement, and Alice, Carlisle, and Emmett all beamed, "She is."

Esme smiled warmly and said, "Thank you, everyone."

"You look like you need a hug," Charlotte suggested, noticing that Esme's eyes were still touched with sadness. She pranced across the room and wrapped her arms around my mother. "Awww," she cooed, embracing Charlotte tenderly. Esme was very easy to read. We all knew what her thoughts were. _You'd make a wonderful addition to the family. A beautiful child… _Reluctantly, Esme let Charlotte go, and she returned to her spot next to Peter.

Peter's eyes met his mate's, and then Esme's. The three of them looked wistful. I did not want them to get attached. I knew that Peter and Charlotte were not going to stay, and I didn't want Esme to suffer from their departure. The longer they stayed, the more the risk of that grew. But, for some reason, I decided that I could not stand to shoo them away. Perhaps the pain of separation would be enough for Peter and Charlotte to return. And Esme's pain…

I shuddered, kicking myself mentally for harboring such selfish thoughts. Whether my guests stayed or left, it was going to be sad for someone. I knew that my role would have to be damage control. I had spent so much of my life being in charge of people that I found this hard to swallow, but I knew that I had to accept it.

I knew that I could handle my family's emotions, but what of my own? I didn't know how I would feel. I suppose that didn't matter. As long as everyone else was happy, I had no reason to complain.


	11. Memory

**Chapter XI: Memory**

***As promised, here is the next chapter. You all know you missed me. XD***

"…And then they accepted us into their family, and we've been here ever since," Alice finished, grinning widely.

"Not that you gave us a choice," Edward teased.

Alice let out a beautiful, high-pitched giggle. "What would you do without me?"

Edward shook his head, smiling crookedly.

Alice returned the smile and bowed her head silently, reflecting upon her own words. I watched as her forehead crinkled and she absently played with a lock of hair, lost in thought. Her emotions were as varied as the colors in a box of crayons, and she felt them so deeply. It hurt me intensely to see her like this: her effervescent self succumbing to feelings of sadness, frustration, and confusion. The end of her story was the one bright spot to perforate the veil of fear and ambiguity she was smothered in before we began our travels together.

Peter and Charlotte were trying to find the proper words. As was the case with Esme's story, Alice's story was so emotionally charged that it was difficult to proceed. "Alice?" Peter prodded gently. She did not acknowledge him. I brushed my hand against her cheek, and she looked up at me, poking a small, yet loving smile in my direction. I gestured toward Peter, and Alice turned her attention to him.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?" she asked.

"I… ah… well…" he stumbled.

"What would you like to know?" Her words invited him in, but her tone was expressionless. I had hoped that, after this much time, she would have healed from her experiences a bit. However, it was still painful for her to recount her past. A big part of me did not want to allow him to question her for the fear that it would cause my angel pain. I realized, though, that I was probably being too overprotective.

Peter tried again. "You don't have to answer this, but," he paused briefly, gathering courage, "when you awoke and found yourself, what was that like?"

"Scary… confusing..." she stated, almost in a daze. "I knew three things: I was sitting by something I thought was called a river, I was lost, and I was thirsty. I remember sitting on the riverbank in my torn, filthy, white gown, doodling absently in the sand. I somehow remembered how to read, and I found that I had written the name 'Alice'. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it."

Everyone listened as Alice poured her story out for all to hear. She had moved into my lap, and I wrapped my arms around her as comfort.

"Then, scenes started to play in my head. It started with Jasper's face, and I somehow knew that I was meant to be with this beautiful stranger. I did not know anything about my life, but I knew that I was supposed to dedicate it to finding him." She smiled warmly, and then kissed my hand. I responded by hugging her closer to me.

"The scenes developed, and I saw more of what was to come. I saw where I would meet Jasper, but the when was uncertain. There were too many variables to predict with certainty. But I did find him, eventually."

"So, how bad was it?" Charlotte questioned.

"You mean, what could I remember? I found out later that I was still capable of knowing what things were, for the most part, though sometimes it took me a little longer to recall the words. I was still capable of speaking and doing simple activities of daily living. I was able to do a bit of reading and writing, though my skills re-developed with practice. I taught myself what I knew I had to in order to find Jasper. And when I found him, he helped me.

"But it was frustrating. I hated myself for not remembering. I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was too stupid to make everything stick in my head. Every time I struggled to perform multiplication facts or read a five-letter word, it hurt immensely. I felt that my blond stranger would never love me in the way that I had hoped because I wouldn't be smart enough for his liking. I didn't understand what I had done to get the way I was, and I didn't understand how to fix myself. I felt like a huge part of me was missing."

Alice began to sob. I knew that no words were capable of consoling her when she was feeling this way. She turned around so her face was against my chest, and I held her close to me. She never allowed me to use my gift to calm her; she wished to be able to experience the complex emotions she felt. She had told me many times to simply let her hurt. I respected her wish, as much as it tore me apart to do so. All I could do was hold her as she fell apart. She snuggled into my torso, and I kissed her head gently as she wept.

Everyone remained silent and watched our embrace. The room was overwhelmed with emotion. The love between Alice and I was much different than the love between any of the other couples, simply because I understood. I knew exactly what she was feeling, how the past boiled inside of her. I understood her struggle to keep a happy façade, and I could relate to her in a way that no one could. I knew the words I would say to her, but I knew in my heart that all she needed was to be loved by someone who had experienced the harshness of the world to the degree that she had.

When she finally had no more sobs to give, her eyes met mine. Where tears should have been, I thought I saw adoration welling up in her eyes. She gushed love and gratitude. I pushed it back toward her, and she smiled widely. She turned back around to face the others, who had not yet stopped staring.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "Sometimes even I struggle with the past."

I wanted to tell her again that there was nothing to apologize for. I wanted to tell her that crying is a natural reaction to the hell she had endured. But I knew that was not what needed to be said.

"Alice, it's okay. You've suffered much pain in your life, and sometimes it needs to be let out," Peter cooed.

"It sounds like that was long overdue," Charlotte added.

"Not really," Alice stated. "I almost feel that this happens too often. I break down, and my Jasper is always there to put me back together again."

This time I could not remain silent. "Alice, I…" I began to speak, but I was not sure how to form the words. She smiled knowingly, and poked the love at me again to say that she understood. She knew that 'as often as she needed to' and 'too often' were not synonymous. She knew that I felt that it was my duty to be there for her through every trial and every hardship. I did not have to explain when I was around her; Edward often said that it was as if we had his gift, but it only worked between each other.

"Alice, I am willing to bet that you are stronger than you know," Peter said. I heard in his voice that he was both perplexed and captivated by the silent exchange between Alice and me, but he decided to further the conversation.

"Why?"

"You have so much life in you. The fact that you have such a vivacious personality despite everything shows your resilience."

She giggled sheepishly. "I've just been very lucky."

"And very modest," I added, provoking another spate of giggles.

"I don't know what to say. Sometimes I feel depressed by my past situation, and sometimes I break down. But… what I don't have, I don't think much about. I don't have memories of my human life, and though that sometimes hurts, it would be unfair to dwell on that. I have to try to put that behind me and focus on what I have now, which has given me tons of memories to look fondly upon."

One statement that she had made stuck with me. _What I don't have, I don't think much about. _I wondered if that could apply to me. Since I didn't have a peaceful introduction into vampirism, did that mean that I could simply refuse to think about it? I didn't know. I thought about that, oblivious to the next few lines of dialogue that were spoken. I wondered if it was possible to shun the past.

"I have to ask about the visions, Alice," Charlotte said. "When you first started seeing things in your head, did you know what they were? Did they confuse you at all?"

Alice thought for a moment. "Yes and no. When I started having them, I somehow knew that they represented things that would be. However, what I didn't understand at first is that they'd change every time something external changed, or when someone changed his or her mind. That's why," she said, suddenly raising her voice in mock accusation, "it took so long to finally meet up with Jasper in the diner, and to find the Cullens every time they tried to figure out where to move next."

"Well, we didn't exactly know that we had a little psychic and her guardian following us," Edward teased.

"More like stalking, really," Emmett clarified, "but if we would've known, we would have tried our best to help them find us, them being complete strangers bent on joining our family and all."

Everyone burst out laughing. "Well, Mr. Hulk, I do believe you'd better watch it, or I'll fix every bet you make with Jasper from now on," Alice threatened playfully.

It was clear that Alice was one of the most valuable members of the family. Her visions had saved our family countless times. And, even more importantly, her love for life and for the family had boosted our spirits and drawn us closer together.


	12. Different

**Chapter XII: Different**

*** Ugh, I am at a loss as to how to fix this chapter. So, I'm posting it in the hopes that you'll like it.***

Peter and Charlotte listened as the other members of the family took turns giving their short biographies. I monitored my guests' reactions as they took the information in, noting the steady changes in emotional output as the stories progressed. I was surprised by what I felt.

Each of our stories had the same basic structure: a relatively plain life, interrupted by an earth-shattering event that shook each individual to the core. In terms of emotions, I felt it as a steady tide of normalcy, peppered with bits of amusement and resentment, which was then thrown over a waterfall into turbulence.

However, the key part of my observation is that each person dealt with the turbulence of the end of their human lives differently. Each resolution created a different emotional climate. When Emmett told Peter and Charlotte that he was determined to get every bit of fun out of life that he could, I noted that the entire room was filled with joy, boldness, and a general lust for adventure. However, when Rosalie was speaking, a completely opposite effect occurred. I felt irritation, sadness, and frustration from everyone. With Edward, it was sadness, boredom, and loneliness.

With that, I had a deeper understanding of a few concepts that had been drilled into my head ever since I was small. Firstly, attitude matters a lot. When things happen, good or bad, it is up to the person to decide what he or she will make of those things. Some people can miraculously survive a devastating event and be happy and grateful for it; others have made up their minds to stew in the venom that their lives have spewed upon them. Simply put, some choose full lives, and some choose half-lives.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, this choice affects everyone around the person. I witnessed that as I felt Peter and Charlotte's emotional reactions. Listening to someone like Rosalie, who wallows in depression and regret rather than being grateful for all the good things in her life, creates unrest. She chooses to behave in a negative manner, and that energy radiates to everyone in her personal circle.

I made a mental note to keep my feelings in check. Sometimes it was easy to forget that my gift was not the only measure of emotions. Such things are instinctual; feeling the mood of a setting is an intuitive, primal action.

Peter and Charlotte continued to listen, politely asking questions when the occasion arose. There was not much to ask, because they seemed to understand that Edward and Rosalie were not willing to divulge more information than was necessary, and that Emmett told them everything about himself without prompting. It made me wonder about each of them, truth be told. Rosalie and Emmett were diametrical opposites of each other: Rosalie was unwilling to share with anyone save herself, and Emmett verbalized everything that crossed his mind.

And Edward… I loved him dearly, but I worried for him. If he were to find a mate, I was not sure that he would be able to communicate his thoughts and feelings in an effective manner. I understood his struggle wholeheartedly. I just hoped that his beloved would be patient and understanding, just as Alice was with me.

My little brother's eyes met mine once again. He seemed surprised. It was rare that he heard my input on his relationship status, mainly because I knew he was tired of the pity he received from the others. He caught my worry and understanding, and a powerful longing emanated from his heart. It was so strong that I felt the energy of the room change. To test my first theory, I lifted his mood, and in confirmation, I felt the energy change with it.

He felt grateful, and I released my control. Edward was much like Alice in that he liked to be free to feel his own emotions. That was the most difficult part of my job: knowing when and when not to intervene. With a power as developed as mine, I could place everyone in a constant state of joy. However, I did not want them to endure that. It reminded me too much of the soma pills that erased any unpleasant sensations in Aldous Huxley's _Brave New World_. I wanted my family to experience enough hardship to make the happiness seem even sweeter. My struggle was that I did not know how much hardship was enough. Also, I adored my family and did not want them to suffer when I could easily alleviate the pain.

Robots are programmed to perform certain actions based on input that enters them. They react predictably. Humanity is something different. We are not humans, but the way we process emotions is one of the chief "human" characteristics that we possess. Autonomy is unique to beings with complex thought. Within that scope, each being has a separate idea of what "too much" is, and it adapts accordingly.

And that was the crux of it. We had separate ideas, separate perceptions. As Peter and Charlotte accurately pointed out, my family was composed of people with vastly different upbringings, personalities, and desires. We were wired differently, we felt differently, and we all contributed to the energy of the household differently. We were so diverse that it seemed that we would never mesh together, but by some miracle, we did. Not all of us were always happy, and it was seldom that we all were in agreement, but that was okay with us. We were different, and we wouldn't have had it any other way.


	13. Future

**Chapter XIII: Future**

***Wa-hey! I live! Sorry, as always, for the delay. I have to thank you all so much for being patient with me, and for putting up with my ridiculously short chapters. I hope you know that I heart all of you.***

We all chatted for hours, getting a feel for each other. Eventually, Alice suggested that we spend time showing our guests the beauty of the region we lived in. We wandered around, and my family assumed the role of a tour guide brigade pointing out the finer points of the land. Peter and Charlotte's eyes absorbed every detail, filled with wonder at the peaceful yet rugged setting. I could feel the tranquility inside them.

I was not sure of the relevance of Alice's suggestion, nor the motive behind it. In my heart, I knew it was simply a way of elongating my guests' visit. However, a small piece of me was hopeful. I wondered if she had envisioned something. Was it possible that she saw them taking up a permanent residence near us, maybe not now, but sometime in the future? Was she possibly preparing them for a time ahead when they'd return and need to know the geographical landmarks of the area?

I knew I was fooling myself, but I had to hope. It was all I could do to console myself. I knew that they would return to visit me, but when they left again, I would be faced with the absence of those who truly understood the horrors of my past. Leaving them the first time was painful enough, and I knew that the reversal of roles would be cruel and painful. It was deserved, but sad. I hoped that maybe, over time, it would become easier.

I realized, though, that I was being a little hypocritical. My "attitude matters" inner monologue had been cast aside, and I was stuck in the wrong mindset again. Rather than look happily on the happy future my friends had in store for them, or look forward to their next visit, I chose to wallow in my own sadness and anxiety. It was almost as if I was unconsciously thinking about stunting their futures just for my own benefit, which was exactly the opposite of what I truly wanted.

Zoning in on the negative aspects of the future was futile and selfish. I needed to press forward, despite everything, and be happy for the love and joy my friends had found. My own feelings could be dealt with, in their own time.

Peter, noticing my long silence, asked, "Are you okay, Jasper?"

I met his gaze, smiling warmly, and replied, "Yes. I'm great."

He beamed back at me. "I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"Me either."

"That's all I've ever wanted for you."

"And I for you."

My family listened, happy to see me connecting well with someone. I was not exactly receptive to intimacy, except with Alice. It took me a very long time before I was able to allow the others into my circle. A casual touch, a simple question, a friendly advance—those were things that I could never deal with before. I simply locked myself in my study and shunned contact. Over time, though, I was able to extend myself a little more. I reluctantly showed my vulnerability to those around me, and they treated me with the utmost kindness and respect, which was much more than I deserved.

Peter and Charlotte were no exception to this rule. They accepted me, and were patient with my shortcomings. I was very, very glad that the two sides of my immortal family tree were very similar in their mindsets. They both wished for my welfare, and they both loved me unconditionally. It was a wonderful feeling to bask in for eternity.


	14. Departure

**Chapter XIV: Departure**

***I felt that I needed to post another chapter to make up for that last one. This one is tons better, I promise.***

Unfortunately, the time had finally come for my guests to depart. No one wished for them to leave, but they had truly come to enjoy their peaceful roaming together. They deserved to have that kind of experience. I wished them nothing but good will.

Everyone exchanged hugs and handshakes, saving me for last. Peter finally gazed kindly into my eyes and said, "Goodbye, my friend."

My eyes stung with the tears that would not come. "Goodbye, Peter. I hope you are happy, wherever you are."

Peter's face screwed up with the sadness, like he was on the verge of sobs, and said, "I want the same for you. I have always wanted that."

My hand to him, and he grabbed it. "I'll miss you," I admitted, overwhelmed with emotion.

"As I'll miss you."

"We'll visit again soon. Even if we have to track you down," Charlotte chimed in.

I smiled down at her and hugged her gently. "Promise?"

"Of course," Peter confirmed. "I don't know if I can go this length of time again without seeing my brother."

I stepped forward and hugged Peter tightly. It took all I had to keep my sobs inside. I sent waves of love and happiness at him, hoping he knew how much he meant to me. His own emotions reflected the ones I had sent him.

We finally let go of each other. "Thank you for your kindness and hospitality," Charlotte said to everyone.

"It was no problem," Carlisle answered, "You're welcome back anytime."

"Thank you."

Peter and Charlotte turned to run away, and Peter hesitated for a moment. He looked back over his shoulder and said, "One more thing, Jasper."

"Yes?"

"Keep your chin up."

They turned and sprinted into the woods. Alice and Edward's eyes snapped to me as they saw the indecision in my mind.

In that moment, I wanted so badly to sprint after them. I do not know whether it was the sadness speaking or whether it was my true wish, but I had to brace myself to keep from following my friends into the wilderness. Was this my body telling me that what I had been doing was wrong? Was I simply not meant to be chained to a life of meticulous responsibility and constant self-discipline?

"Jasper," Alice said frantically, "Remember why you left them."

I reflected on her words. I had left them because they were not averse to killing others for their own survival. I could not bear to feel the fear and pain from humans as I destroyed their lives. I could no longer bear to look in the mirror and see the glowing red orbs staring back at me. I no longer wanted to be anything like the person I used to be. As civilized as Peter and Charlotte were, I still could not bear to live in that type of environment anymore. I could not live in an environment that brought out the savage monster inside of me.

I turned to face my family, whose fear was rampant. I smiled at them and walked into my home.

They followed me in, and I felt their surprise and relief all at once. "Jasper," Edward breathed, "are you sure?"

"Yes," I replied, still trying to assure myself that I was making the right decision.

"Jasper, they are a major part of your life. I would not want to see you make the wrong decision and regret it later," Carlisle said.

I hesitated, trying to form the words into sentences to explain my intent. "I love Peter and Charlotte. As you say, they are such a big part of my life that I don't know where I would be without them. But I can't leave this behind. I have not the heart to leave a family that I adore just to be with people who live a lifestyle that brings out the inner monster in me."

"Maybe we could adopt them," Esme suggested.

"They are not ready for that yet," I said, shaking my head.

"But they considered it," Edward stated. "They saw how much peace it's given you, and they want a piece of it."

I felt a thrill of happiness through my body when he said that they thought about living with us. It gave me hope.

"If they want to, I say the more the merrier," Emmett said, enthusiastic.

"Certainly," Carlisle said. "We would be more than happy to take them in."

I shook my head again. "They are happy with their life together. I sensed that they have a wonderful piece of eternity planned for themselves. I would not be willing to force them into a life of such strict responsibility when they are enjoying their freedom. They are content. And so am I."


	15. Beautiful

**Chapter XV: Beautiful**

***This is the final chapter of "Rekindling". Thank you so much for your support, your reviews, and your patience. It has been such an honor to receive all of your feedback, and it has been fun writing for all of you. I plan to launch new stories soon, and I would greatly appreciate any story ideas you can throw my way (because, honestly, I'm not sure where to go from here). I am truly grateful to have such a great audience, and I hope that this last chapter will not disappoint. I'll admit, this chapter even made me cry, and that's no small feat. Oh… one last thing. I heart you all.***

A few days after the departure of Peter and Charlotte, I took Alice out. I could feel that she had a bit of nagging confusion in her mind, and I wished to understand what was going on in her mind. I hated it when Alice felt negative emotions, however small they may be. With that in mind, I whisked her away into the woods so we could have some privacy.

We found a comfortable place to sit, and I took her hands in mine.

She foresaw why I had brought her to that place, and she knew the words I would use before I was able to form them. She looked up at me with her wide eyes and stated matter-of-factly, "You want to know what the matter is—why I'm confused."

"Yes," I replied, momentarily lost in the beauty of her amber eyes.

"It's something Charlotte said."

She fidgeted uncomfortably for a second. I sent her waves of love and reassurance.

"When you introduced me," she continued, "she said, 'I told you!' You changed the subject when I asked about it. I'm just wondering…"

She tapered off. I cringed slightly, expecting the worst. For her to feel this uncomfortable was very unusual.

"Why didn't you want to talk about it? Did something _happen_ between you that you didn't want to share?"

I sat in shock for a moment. I pushed my love and adoration upon her, and I embraced her tightly. "No."

My reaction was enough to convince her that I was telling the truth. "Then what was it?"

I smiled slightly. The shock of her question strengthened my Southern accent, and I drawled embarrassingly, "Let me tell you a story about a silly, foolish young man named Jasper."

She let out the high-pitched giggle that I loved so much, and sat on my lap, snuggling into my body. "Story time?"

I chuckled in response. "That's right. You see, this young man had endured so much in his life. He had screwed up. A lot. He had done things that he never imagined he could, all in order to keep himself alive. His actions went against the very morals he was raised with, and he began to think of himself as a monster because of it."

Alice frowned slightly at the use of the word "monster". I sent her my emotional apology, and continued, "One day, he was rescued from that life by two of his friends, who had previously escaped. He traveled with them for a long time. He watched his friends recover, because they had each other to love and confide in. One day, when the young man was at his lowest point, the young man's male friend said that everything would be better if he could find a mate. The young man disagreed. He said that he was incapable of being loved because he was too emotionally and physically scarred. He said that no one could love a being as disgusting as himself. The young man's female friend said that someday, somehow, he would find a mate who would love each and every part of him. Yet, still he disagreed."

"So," Alice said, putting the pieces together, "she told you that you were loveable, and that there was someone out there for you, and you didn't think it was possible?"

"No, I didn't," I affirmed. "She proved me wrong, and I couldn't be happier about it."

Alice's heart was so overwhelmed with love that she began to sob. I held her close. As we enveloped each other under the silvery light of the moon, I understood. Discipline is hard. Coping with past memories is hard. Losing the ones who can relate is hard. But sometimes people have to deal with pain to be able to enjoy the things that matter in life. I had endured enough pain and darkness in my life to make the joyful moments that much more beautiful.

We began to kiss passionately, two beings as one, and sank into the bliss that was strong enough to conquer that darkness.


End file.
